Friday, November 9, 2012

Endings and Beginnings.

I always feel the need to put a disclaimer at the start of in depth blogs. So here it is. Be warned. Lots of thoughts here...

Endings are funny. And by funny I mean not really funny- or fun- at all. There's been lots of "endings" in my life recently.
The beautiful thing about endings is that the end brings a new beginning. Is that cliche? Maybe. Sorry 'bout it. But it's true.

Recent ends:
1. End of the Jetta.
2. End of YoungLife at Halls for me.
3. End of first grade teaching.
4. End of not being able to relate to Taylor Swift's songs.

"Our longing to be reunited with something in the universe from which we now feel cut off is... the truest index of our real situation." -C.S. Lewis (can I take a quick second to give a round of applause for this guy- what a wise man! He said so many good things!)
This quote so speaks to where I am right now. Longing for so much. A difficult place to be, but what a fantastic parallel to "our real situation."

Beginnings are exciting and funny and fun and sad and scary and confusing and make me want to laugh and make me want to cry and make me so unbelievably thankful all at the same time. That's a heck of a lot of emotions to feel all at once. But I don't do things just partly. I invest, engage, care, get involved, and therefore feel, deeply. Sometimes I wish I could back off and only put half of myself into things. Disappointment is easier to handle when your expectations are low. The less you care the less you can be hurt, right? Minus the car, if I had cared less about the other three "ends" I would be feeling a-okay now. ...But why settle? I'm not saying I was (or am), but why not put my all into everything? We weren't made to be average, we were made to excel. Realistically, I have no choice but to give everything my everything.  

So. These endings were the beginning of things too...:
1. ...I'm driving Dad's gold Camry. And totally rocking it. It brings me back to my glory days of driving my first car, the black Camry. Plus, sharing a car with my dad on the weekend REALLY takes me back to those glory days. Nothing like having no choice but to stay at home-home. And share a bed with your little sister. Knees in the back. all. night. long. But really, this new-old place is a growing opportunity. In many ways. (Side note: keep an eye out for my car stuck parallel parked on campus. Two weeks and counting...)
2. ...finding NEW ministries! I am so excited about this! I can't wait for God to reveal a new place to do ministry (I am blessed to "do ministry" every day in the classroom, but I'm excited about going beyond that. I did YoungLife and taught so I know I am more than capable of teaching as well as find another way to tell people about Jesus). Whether this still be through YoungLife (which I still adore) or somewhere new.
3. ...TEACHING SECOND GRADE AT MOORELAND HEIGHTS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL! This is the biggest blessing of the new beginnings. Truth be told, a few tears were shed over not going back to my sweet six-year-olds. But MHES is an incredible school. All the staff is absolutely awesome and truly love what they do. It's unlike any school I've been in. Seven-year-olds make me laugh just as much as the six-year-olds did (maybe even more). My new mentor teacher is the I can already tell that I am going to learn so much through teaching with her. I know, without even a tiny bit of doubt, that teaching is exactly what God has gifted me to do.
All I want to do is change the world through teaching kiddos. I can't settle not doing this. Pursing God's goal. What a blessing this new beginning is. Speechless.
4. ... Taylor's new album, Red = perfection. I love being able to blast these songs and sing along at the top of my lungs. At this moment, Taylor is singing to me. Glad this girl can speak words I can relate to in a whole new way. I probably should be embarrassed that, not only am I now pretending I'm on a first name basis with T. Swift, but also I am publicly advertising the fact that I'm relating her album to my life. What of it? Taylor rocks. Lyrical genius, that girl.  

Ohh... the irony of recognizing that something can be so good and so hard at the same time. It's a complex and challenging place to be. But it is so beautiful to know, not that God will do what you want, but that He will do what is right. I am so grateful we don't serve a careless God. He has it all figured out. He knows every need, struggle, desire. He is, after all, a supernatural God. Every moment, every experience is part of His divine plan. Whoa. Talk about humbling and motivating.
So, new beginnings,

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